Triangle Please...

I'm not really a math person (never have been) numbers don't do anything for me. But a recent conversation with a friend and mentor brought me back to my 10th grade geometry class. Let me explain...

If you've been reading my blog you may have picked up on the slight undertones of depression, isolation, confusion, chaos etc...basically I'm in a place in life where EVERYTHING seems to be an unknown. And while finances, relationships and personal life choices are hard enough to juggle, the hardest aspect of this new phase of life is simply figuring out who the fuck I am. Which you'd think by age 25 that would be hammered down a bit, but I'm finding the journey is just beginning.

I've enjoyed the big, as well as the small, steps. Like figuring out things as simple as my style! What do I like to wear; not whats in style or what that boy I like will like..but what's me? And then there's the tougher questions like: who's this God guy and how do I accept His grace?!?  Some of the stuff sounds silly but it all fits under the umbrella of  "who am I" and its all good stuff to look into!

I've realized the hard part lately is that I feel like I should be good (at least semi-decent) at most things. Us humans like to call it "being well-rounded." It's been a value of mine...an identifier I would want for myself and one I tend to look for in others! One of the phrases I grew up hearing from my dad was that he envisioned me lookin beautiful in a dress but also bein able to lace up and school my future husband on the court! My dad said nothing wrong, in fact the vision of that girl is who I've strived to be, it's an ideal I'm drawn to.

But as I sat and chatted with my mentor the other day she pointed something out to be that blew my mind, something I've never heard but now have the desire to go scream at the top of every mountain. What if we are NOT meant to be well rounded?!? What if we let our strengths stand out strong and bold, just as our weaknesses might? What if we're not supposed to be good at everything?

Now I get that "well rounded" doesn't mean you're a pro in every arena and I'm also not saying if you have known weaknesses don't address or work on them, but I'm also wondering how it'd feel to not have the pressure of feeling like we have to excel in every area (especially ones we're not passionate about or drawn to) and how we'd feel if we didn't carry shame or guilt for being "bad" at something.

I know my dad never meant to put pressure on me by saying that phrase (and I honestly never took it that way). I'm simply looking at it as an illustration of how that ideal can be easily put on people in todays' society (as well as us putting the pressure on ourselves) and how that might make us want to scream...We can't freaking do everything!!!

Anyways, I hardly ever payed attention so it's astounding I can recall anything from geometry, but this I remember. The strongest shape is the triangle..why? because of its base and foundation! I'm not a shape expert but I'm pretty sure triangles are not rounded in any form or fashion. They are strong and they are sturdy but they are edgy and jagged.

What if we let our strengths be our base...the things that make us sturdy, the things that make us unique! What if we stop trying to round ourselves out and be weak shapes that crumble when pressure is put on them?

Find your base, your strength (and by strength I don't mean 'what you're good at' as much as I mean 'what things make you feel strong'? HUGE difference!) Lean into those. Be a triangle. Be a rhombus. Heck, be a janky ass circle with jagged edges jetting out every which way. Just find an edge and put it out there for the world to see. You don't gotta be good at everything. I would argue you shouldn't.

Plenty Good Room...

I went to a friends birthday gathering the other night, an old friend but one that has recently started to re-blossum in new ways (pretty cool stuff!) Anways, his get-together was great but I knew no one else there besides his girlfriend! I started talking with the girl who sat next to me and was instantly intimidated...not only would I deem her prettier than myself but we shared a lot of the same passions. (especially things concerning race and racial reconciliation).

It's kinda felt like that's been "my" thing and if someone else wants it to be their thing it feels like an intrusion or like their taking it on means there's less for me to take on.(It's honestly just a pride issue!)

but then I was reminded of a meet with one of my own personal heroes...Brenda Salter-Mcneil. This woman, gosh...look her up, she's amazing! She marches to her own drum and yet asks for NO recognition in doing so. Anyways, we met for lunch not too far back so that I could pick he brain a bit and she said something that will stick with me forever...

Instead of her getting territorial over "her baby" (reconciliation work) and being intimidated by someone new tryin to weasle their way in like I am tempted to do..she welcomed me with open arms and said..."there is plenty good room." the funny thing about the kingdom and kingdom work is that there always is! It seems to be a sure fire way to tell if something is in fact holy and ordained...there will always be room for people who want to be there.

The worldy stuff, those are the places that you have to scratch and claw your way into, the places you have to push and shove and step on others to make it to the top, the places you have to prove yourself.
Nope, not in the kingdom. there is plenty good room. Come as you are. Bring all your friends. In the kingdom, adding another person who's talented and skilled and passionate to your team doesn't create competition, it creates success.

I felt so convicted after leaving that conversation. If I was really about racial reconciliation wouldn't I be all for it, even if it meant giving it up to someone else better suited or working alongside someone I may not have chosen for myself?  (even if their prettier or funnier or smarter than me).  If I was all about it wouldn't racial reconciliation beat my personal insecurity or personal preference any day?!?

Its not the way the world teaches us and it's not my natural default, but I'm convinced that Brenda is right and am working to respond in like fashion...if its kindgom work, there is ALWAYS plenty good room. come on in.