Still Indomitable Was The Reply...

Lately, as previous blogs might reflect, I’ve been in and out of a little funk. Not sure if it’s because I’ve been sick (which can be discouraging), or if it’s because I’ve had plenty of 1^st dates but no seconds (which can feel soul crushing)…or if I’m spending too much time reminiscing about my trip and life seems dull compared to the rugged, wild road! But the funk is real…and relentless.

But as I sit down to write about my latest sorrow I can’t help but be haunted by one of my all-time favorite novles, Jane Eyre! I hear her voice repeat this quote over and over again in my ear:

“Still indomitable was the reply — I care for myself.

The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad — as I am now.

Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be.

If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have a worth — so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am quite insane — quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs.

Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.”

What a bad ass, I wish I could  be her!

It may hold more significance to know the context of the story but even without background knowledge the core stands…”laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour”

It is easy to do the right thing when it’s easy, but how about doing it when its hard…when you don’t want to.

Have I felt like praising God lately…NO!

Do I feel like ‘looking at the bright side?’…NO!

Do I want to karate chop every couple that walks past me?...YES!

But should my circumstances imprison the wildly audacious happenings of my spirit?

what is it's worth? where is my strength if at first sign of struggle and strife I crumble? 

I might feel unsustained, isolated, weak…ugly, exhausted, alone! and maybe you have similar feelings;  terrified, resentful, broke, bloated, hurt, hungry, misunderstood, annoyed, ashamed…big or little, it’s there and its gnawing. and yet that’s when we’re called to do what’s right…to walk towards what is good. not because it makes it easy, because it makes it worth it.

Stand there and plant firm.