You know you live in the PNW when there are random sun breaks and you stop whatever you're doing, face the sun and close your eyes! I see it everywhere, street corners, porches, friends on walks, jogging breaks...hilarious!
The other afternoon there was a sunbreak, but it was still 29 degrees mind you. so I put on socks, slippers, multiple shirts, a big puffy jacket a hat and a blanket and headed outside. The only place I could find sun was against a small portion of our fence which meant I had to sit on a 2 inch mossy ledge, feet on the picnic table below me, body contorted to make sure the suns rays directly hit my face! I sat there for 15 mins, eyes closed, face warm, until little by the little the sun slipped behind the clouds. I grabbed my belongings and headed inside, laughing at the thought of anyone witnessing me...desperate for the rays.
Suddenly my brain gave me a vivid, weirdly connected illustration (as it often does!) This desperate search for sun, this yearning for warmth...it's like Jesus. But how come I don't search for God like I chase after rays in Seattle? Yes, its frustrating...fleeting, fading, cold, contorted...but warm.
my new goal, search for the Son with as much desperation as I search for His rays.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Saturday, November 1, 2014
The Unseen Stuff
Recently I heard that often God doesn't reveal his plan to us, read us the whole story, because if he did we wouldn't agree to follow it...here's why: because gods plan is freaking hard! so he unfolds things days at a time, in a sense tricking us, so that we continue! (I almost admire the system!)
and while there's a ton of hard stuff around the corner, things we can't see, here's the cool thing about us humans not being able to see the whole picture sometimes...sometimes, and it seems to happen more often than we realize, the stuff we cant see is the cool stuff. The mysterious inner-workings of God. The "holy shit how'd that happen" type stuff.
It's going to sound minute and silly, but I was reminded of this last night at a halloween party! Lately I''ve felt like my life is a mess, like I'm broken and exhausted and not moving towards a goal. I second guess my roles; how can I possibly lead others if I'm not doing a very good job leading myself? But last night as I walked into the party and saw one of the girls in my core group, a bible study that I lead with Juniors in college, she exclaimed, "can you guess who I am? I'm you!" Sure enough she had dressed up in a particularly swaggy outfit. Leggings, timbalands, beanie, vest, lol...and to top it off she was puttin out the vibe (a move I pull out regularly).
Anyways, maybe she was dressed as me because my outfits are ridiculous and easily identified but I couldnt help but feel like "someone wants to be me." Like I'm doing something right with this group!
So as I sit and criticize myself for not being a good enough leader, here's what I can't see; God using me! Despite my faults and flaws he connects me with people that will appreciate things about me. In my own goofy, spastic way I lead people, rub off on people, grow people. I don't say that to brag, I say it in complete amazement and shock, in complete gratitude and awww...if God can use me to love these girls, I know he's capable of so much more. Why do I doubt what I can't see? It's always that stuff that's the coolest.
and while there's a ton of hard stuff around the corner, things we can't see, here's the cool thing about us humans not being able to see the whole picture sometimes...sometimes, and it seems to happen more often than we realize, the stuff we cant see is the cool stuff. The mysterious inner-workings of God. The "holy shit how'd that happen" type stuff.
It's going to sound minute and silly, but I was reminded of this last night at a halloween party! Lately I''ve felt like my life is a mess, like I'm broken and exhausted and not moving towards a goal. I second guess my roles; how can I possibly lead others if I'm not doing a very good job leading myself? But last night as I walked into the party and saw one of the girls in my core group, a bible study that I lead with Juniors in college, she exclaimed, "can you guess who I am? I'm you!" Sure enough she had dressed up in a particularly swaggy outfit. Leggings, timbalands, beanie, vest, lol...and to top it off she was puttin out the vibe (a move I pull out regularly).
Anyways, maybe she was dressed as me because my outfits are ridiculous and easily identified but I couldnt help but feel like "someone wants to be me." Like I'm doing something right with this group!
So as I sit and criticize myself for not being a good enough leader, here's what I can't see; God using me! Despite my faults and flaws he connects me with people that will appreciate things about me. In my own goofy, spastic way I lead people, rub off on people, grow people. I don't say that to brag, I say it in complete amazement and shock, in complete gratitude and awww...if God can use me to love these girls, I know he's capable of so much more. Why do I doubt what I can't see? It's always that stuff that's the coolest.
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