Recently I heard that often God doesn't reveal his plan to us, read us the whole story, because if he did we wouldn't agree to follow it...here's why: because gods plan is freaking hard! so he unfolds things days at a time, in a sense tricking us, so that we continue! (I almost admire the system!)
and while there's a ton of hard stuff around the corner, things we can't see, here's the cool thing about us humans not being able to see the whole picture sometimes...sometimes, and it seems to happen more often than we realize, the stuff we cant see is the cool stuff. The mysterious inner-workings of God. The "holy shit how'd that happen" type stuff.
It's going to sound minute and silly, but I was reminded of this last night at a halloween party! Lately I''ve felt like my life is a mess, like I'm broken and exhausted and not moving towards a goal. I second guess my roles; how can I possibly lead others if I'm not doing a very good job leading myself? But last night as I walked into the party and saw one of the girls in my core group, a bible study that I lead with Juniors in college, she exclaimed, "can you guess who I am? I'm you!" Sure enough she had dressed up in a particularly swaggy outfit. Leggings, timbalands, beanie, vest, lol...and to top it off she was puttin out the vibe (a move I pull out regularly).
Anyways, maybe she was dressed as me because my outfits are ridiculous and easily identified but I couldnt help but feel like "someone wants to be me." Like I'm doing something right with this group!
So as I sit and criticize myself for not being a good enough leader, here's what I can't see; God using me! Despite my faults and flaws he connects me with people that will appreciate things about me. In my own goofy, spastic way I lead people, rub off on people, grow people. I don't say that to brag, I say it in complete amazement and shock, in complete gratitude and awww...if God can use me to love these girls, I know he's capable of so much more. Why do I doubt what I can't see? It's always that stuff that's the coolest.
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