Change Me

As I was thumbing through the work of a poet, I read the lines, “I will not try to fix you, you can be exactly who you are” my knees went weak and my mouth started salivating. Not only Is the writer a fairly attractive man, but what woman doesn’t want to hear those words? Scratch that, what person doesn’t want that? Is it not our goal to be accepted for exactly who we are? but as I thought more about it, I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not.

It’s true, even Jesus says come as you are…but what he doesn’t say is that the coming will change you. Its inherent of the journey; it will break your heart, it will expand your world, it will shatter your preconceived notions of everything. But I feel like I understand what the writer is trying to say and I so appreciate it but as I reflected on what I want for my life I realized I want to follow a Jesus, have friends, marry a man that will change me. I want the pursuit of those things, the fulfillment of them, the challenge, and the adventure of it all to grow me, to make me better.

I don’t want someone to settle for my bad habits, my poor decisions, my lack of discipline…I want someone to know that yes, kates life can be janky at times and I will still love her…but I would love for part of that care to be that they love me enough to NOT let those weaknesses prevail!

One of my all time favorite quotes is by one of my idols, Flannery O’Connor, she says: “All human nature vigorously resists grace, because grace changes us and that change is painful…” I often switch out the word grace for a multitude of other things…”truth, righteousness, hope…” the outcome is the same…we resist the things that are best for us, the things that transform our hearts.

So as pretty as it sounds to be friends with people and date a guy and serve a lord who won’t try to fix me…part of me screams, but I NEED you to!